How to Talk to Your Child About Minesweeper

By Max Barth

Don't rush it. You may have to explain to your child several concepts that aren't covered in school, such as underground munitions and the bored office workers who pretend to digitally sweep for them. Be prepared to define "ennui."

Your child will have questions! Plenty of them. Before broaching the subject, take the time to make your child comfortable by playing their favorite music while you look up the answers. (This could also open up a conversation about the concept of "hold music" and how waiting a lot on the phone for no reason used to be more of a thing.) You could also make them a snack, or let them fiddle with a mouse pad, like in the days of old.

Remember, you don't have to be an expert. A comprehensive study of friends I called this afternoon confirmed that approximately zero people ever understood how to properly play Minesweeper. Most just clicked around randomly while monitoring their eBay bids.

Younger children in particular may be sensitive to the implied violence of Minesweeper. Assure them that, while mines do often explode in the game, this is just the result of deep personal failure on the player's part, and this problem can be avoided by being perfect.

Involve family members and other trusted adults in the conversation. Put Grandma on speakerphone. Call the soccer coach your kid loves. Ask them about Minesweeper, and hold on to your hat as they explain to your precious youngster how the game's early-eighties origins remain shrouded in myth and multiple theories of authorship, much like the works of Shakespeare.

NOTE: Do not answer questions about Shakespeare at this point. There are, sadly, no mines in Shakespeare. Missed opportunity, if you ask me.

Prepare for future questions that may arise. After "the talk," many children will discuss the finer points of Minesweeper with their friends and classmates. This type of sharing is a healthy and normal part of growing up, but it can result in misunderstandings if there is no parental follow-up.

Play a round or two with your child. That's right—boot up the old desktop. Minesweeper may not be the most stimulating way to spend a half hour, but repeated exposure to the sense of dread that it inspires prepares kids for many facets of adult life. The game's famously low tolerance for player error perfectly mirrors the precarious reality of the human condition, what with our nervous shepherding of brittle bones and tender hearts.

Yelling, "Get down—this could be it!" right before clicking is a great way to help your child develop the sort of fast-twitch reflexes that can last a lifetime. My kid's vertical leap is attracting the attention of N.B.A. scouts.

Take them to a real-life minefield. Unfortunately, despite massive international effort, these exist throughout the world. Fortunately, they are relatively cheap to visit, owing to so-called "extreme risk to life and limb." My then oldest and I visited one right before the pandemic and had a (mostly) excellent time.

Temper expectations. While some children take to the game instantly, others may struggle to see why it's better than solitaire. ♦